The Fluid Song (2015) 1 min.
This goofy song was inspired by a bet that I could not write a song that mentioned all 27 normal bodily fluids that we deal with on a daily basis. The redneck accent was added for fun.
The Fluid Song
Blood, spit, pee, and snotty goo,
stomach acid, earwax too...
These liquids are all part of you -
All your body fluids.
Eyeball fluid helps your sight
Spinal juice keeps you upright
Amniotic? It's just another type -
Another type of fluid.
Vee-jay-jay juices keep her wet
So semen is more fun to get
Nine months later, splash, that's it
she broke her water -
Baby drinks a breast milkshake
of fat and car-bo-hy-der-rates
I tried my wife's at thirty-eight
but spit up on my daughter.
Diarrhea, sweat, and puke
like forcing their way out -
but knowing how to keep them in
is what life's all about.
Skin oil makes your blackheads pop
A thick and gooey 'who knows what?'
Squeeze that zit and there's a dot -
of some freaky fluid.
Tears of joy might make you smile
But pus, and phlegm, and colon bile
Remind you that this shit is vile
in a disgusting way -
So wash 'n, scrub 'n clean your face
And keep your liquids in their place
Or you may lose the human race
So love your goo today!
-2015 J. Scott Pearson
The Grackle Attack (2015) 3 min.
Originally created for the "Hometown Postcards" program, this recording was broadcast on our local NPR (National Public Radio) station a few years ago to rave reviews from liberal listeners.