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The Fluid Song (2015)                    1 min.

This goofy song was inspired by a bet that I could not write a song that mentioned all 27 normal bodily fluids that we deal with on a daily basis.

The Fluid Song


Blood, spit, pee, and snotty goo,
stomach acid, earwax too...
These liquids are all part of you -
All your body fluids.


Eyeball fluid helps your sight
Spinal juice keeps you upright
Amniotic? It's just another type -

Another type of fluid.


Vee-jay-jay juices keep her wet
So semen is more fun to get
Nine months later, splash, that's it
she broke her water -
Baby drinks a breast milkshake
of fat and car-bo-hy-der-rates
I tried my wife's at thirty-eight
but spit up on my daughter.


Diarrhea, sweat, and puke
like forcing their way out -
but knowing how to keep them in
is what life's all about.


Skin oil makes your blackheads pop
A thick and gooey 'who knows what?'
Squeeze that zit and there's a dot -
of some freaky fluid.


Tears of joy might make you smile
But pus, and phlegm, and colon bile
Remind you that this shit is vile
in a disgusting way -


So wash 'n, scrub 'n clean your face
And keep your liquids in their place
Or you may lose the human race
So love your goo today! 

                                    -2015 J. Scott Pearson

00:00 / 01:12
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The Grackle Attack (2015)              3 min.

Originally created for the "Hometown Postcards" program, this recording was broadcast on our local NPR (National Public Radio) station a few years ago to rave reviews from liberal listeners.

00:00 / 03:09
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